Friday, June 02, 2006

Can You Swim in Jello?

Why can't anyone provide a straight answer to this question? Simply put, if there was a pool or other large container filled with ordinary jello, and possibly pieces of banana and small marshmallows, could one swim in it?

The information available on this topic, as uncovered in my brief attempt at free internet research (in this case, free internet is probably the best source other than a personally commissioned practical experiment, and don't say a chemistry professor or something like that because there are plenty of their opinions available on the internet and they're no better than anyone else) is exceedingly vague or "conjecturous" (i'm a bit out of practice at presenting words that may or not be in the dictionary but nonetheless make sense (in this case, I believe the proper word would be "conjectural" (that one is in quotes not because it's not "real", but because I intended to call attention to it)); when I get used to it again I will stop using quotes and allow you, the loyal (and resurgent) PositiveMode reader to take these words as they come). I won't even bother providing any links, you can easily search for this yourself (okay, one: this is one of the more thoughtful sources I found). But it still doesn't answer the damn question.

People have been wondering about this for a long time. It should be simple question to answer with a yes or no and why, not "Well, it depends on what kind of jello, if it's a very thin jello solution then you could [obviously] and if it's thick like a "Jiggler" [Reader Note: I hesitate to put that word in print; seeing it makes me slightly shudder, in a way I would not have expected from my experience in speaking the word] then you would probably just rest on the top and anyway how much jello would that take to fill a pool this is a ridiculous question and what about" JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! CAN YOU SWIM IN JELLO??!


At 11:14 AM, Anonymous SisterMode said...

I can't answer the question, but perhaps instead of "Jiggler", which is also making me shudder, you could have said "Knox Blocks"? Or is it "Knox Blox"? Would anyone know what you were talking about (unless they attended one of our mid-1980s birthday parties)?

At 11:18 AM, Blogger PositiveMode said...

Heh (the mid-1980s).

I'm not sure that most humans that we have contact with would, but it appears that someone out there does (

Another thing I was thinking about is that in attempts to answer this question, we see a lot about the physics (unsophisticated as it may be) of jello, but not very much about the physics of swimming. There should be more discussion of that, I think.

At 11:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apparently people know about Knox "Blox" as well -- 4340 Google results compared to 1740 for the properly spelled "Blocks".

There should be more discussion of the physics of swimming. It makes no sense that this question hasn't been answered.

At 11:36 AM, Anonymous SisterMode said...

I didn't intend for that previous comment to be anonymous. Still me.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger RipperJewes said...

This jello mystery is truly haunting.

The only logical theory why this question has never been answered is that everyone who has tried to swim in jello has died in the process. If any person successfuly swam in jello the individual would instantly become an international superstar (more popular than Clay Aiken but slightly less popular than Lindsay Lohan), and we would know for certain that swimming in jello is possible.

At 3:53 PM, Blogger NegativeMode said...

I'm not going to comment on the various parameters and vaguearies of swimming in jello, but rather on the identity of the previous poster. I really just want to call attention to the fact that this poster, may, in fact, be Jack the Ripper, which would be truly phenominal. Of course, he may not be, but I guess we'll never know.


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